She does not have a blog.
I feel it’s my sisterly duty to rip her story off, as payback for all the times that she.. oh wait. She hasn’t really done anything to warrant this treatment.
However, the story is so good, that it’s not enough to stop me. I’m sure she will find a way to repay me eventually. The story is so good that I will carry the debt.
So, let me paint the picture.
It’s a night like any other, in the quiet suburbs west of Melbourne. Imagine sleeping sweetly in your cosy bed, fat tabby cat on the bed beside you, keeping your feet warm.
In the midst of your slumber, you absently brush something off your foot, the cat’s tail perhaps. Back to sleep... aaah lovely.
An unspecified amount of time passes while you sleep, unsuspecting. Dawn is heralded by birds squawking outside, like the little bastards have just won lotto and have to tell the world.
A slightly bitter taste in your mouth raises no alarm bells, it’s just morning dog-breath. Back to sleep for a couple of hours, no work today. A sleep-in.
The mothers among us might switch off at this point, not understanding the term “sleep-in”. Please. Read On.
You wake up mid-morning, feeling quite drowsy. The cat comes over for a head butt and cuddle. You snuggle together in bed for a minute, then up on one elbow, getting ready to swing a foot out.
You feel something in your braces. Might be a little piece of food from dinner. Pick it out. Look at it blankly. Look again. Starting to wake up now. Feeling the warmth of sickly adrenaline starting in your guts.
What. The. FUCK.
It’s a leg.
Matching the other leg, on your pillow. An insectoid-type, tiny, hairy, goosebumps-inducing, hair-standing-up-on your arms and bile-raising type of leg.
UUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWW
BLARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH.
This is what we think happened, near enough:A spider has crawled in under the blankets and bitten her on the toe. She’s brushed it off, possibly wounded it, pushed it out from under the covers. It knows it’s dying. It thinks of its family, all 600 multi-eyed eight-legged hordes of them up in the ceiling, about to become orphans. It’s final minutes/hours are spent looking for my sister’s face, so it can eat her. If I’m going to the big web in the sky, I’m taking you with me bitch, it thinks.
It crawls up to her face and just as it’s about to sink it’s fangs into her unsuspecting flesh, she....... sleep-eats it.
Crunchy arachnid goodness.
She actually lived with this for a few days, until she put two and two together that this was no ordinary spider snack. The funny rash on her skin, the nausea and the general illness that she felt suddenly hit home and she made a few calls to find out what it might have been. Apparently, it was a white tail spider, and it’s poison will be in her system for some months, possibly making her feel ill and giving her skin a rash, among other things.
Should have stuck to worms.
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11 comments:
Oh my God, your poor sister. I was actually reading along thinking *mouse-leg* due to the presence of the fat tabby cat on the end of the bed. I picked up the dirty washing last week to put in the laundry and discovered a small dead mouse hidden in it. Least I didn't eat it though. *shudder*
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!............................................................................................................................Runs screaming and shuddering and heaving for the exit..........................................................................Nope, still shuddering
Ahhhhhh, yuk. I hate those spiders with a passion. Your poor sister, I hope she gets better quick. Will be checking under the doona before I hop in tonight.
She has since bought and promptly installed a mosquito-net over her bed :) However, she was pleased to learn from the toxicology people that those spiders' bites don't really cause the necrosis of the flesh like we've all heard horror stories about. The bite wasn't even that bad, it was probably the ingested poison that made her sick. Yummy. I still think that white tails are evil. I think they sstalk you. Why else would they go into clothing and bedding? It's not like there's anything to eat in there ! Except people that is.
Unbelievable. After reading that I had to go and tell everyone I know about it. My goodness. Your poor sister. I hope she has a speedy recovery.
This is the most horrendous story and an urban legend in the making!!
eeeeeeeeeeeeeew!!!
that pips my tale of having a mouse eat my hair while sleeping. most definitely. shudder.
hope your sister is OK. OK.
OH. MY. GOD. !!!!!! I think I'd die if I sleep-ate a large hairy spiiiiideer!!!! AhhhhhhHHHHHHH!!!! That is The most eeeeeeek inspiring story I think I've ever heard in my life!
I still go blaaarrrgh when I think of her just dealing with it for a couple of days before telling anyone! Poor baby. She's OK, skin rash clearing, feeling better. Janet, a MOUSE ATE YOUR HAIR??? I'mm be emailing you about this!
heheh. this is like that time when you drank that glass of milk and found a spider husk at the bottom of the glass, when we were teens - remember that? poor sis. it's like her worst nightmare.
Oh my GOD !!
I figured she was sleeping with a rat at first... eughrghgh...
I was bitten by a whitetail when I was younger and did get a necrosis reaction - very painful as it ate into my ankle. Took 2years to heal ( I kid you not ) I don't even really have a scar today, but I used to be able to feel weather changes through that ankle...
Your poor sister :(
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